Look! In English!
May. 28th, 2006 06:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
philenaBecause, as much as I adore Old Church Slavonic, writing a ten page paper on the loss of the jers just doesn't interest me right now. So instead, I will turn up the Dar Williams (I think two of my favorite songs of hers are "Alone But Not at Peace," and "You're Aging Well") write about the nature of physical greetings.
A very long time ago (back even before we were firm friends, that's how long ago!) Daniel and I were discussing handshakes. I mentioned that I was a little displeased with a tendency I've noticed in women not to give firm handshakes. One particular tendency that bothers me is when women don't grasp your hand entirely, but instead only give you their fingers. This struck me as particularly silly at fencing competitions, because we would have just finished trying to stab each other with pointy metal sticks, bounding back and forward and lunging and yelling, and now suddenly my opponent, who usually has stabbed me five times, usually in the shoulder, but sometimes in the neck or the face (or, humiliatingly, the foot), is deciding to be all ladylike and give me dainty little fingers. Ugh! You're a powerful machine, woman, don't act like a delicate flower! Daniel was a bit surprised, and mentioned that he always made a point only to take a woman's fingers when shaking her hand and not to grasp her hand the way he would a man's. I guess it's a holdover in some way from when men would take women's hands preparatory to kissing them all chivalrously, and now they take the hands in the same way, only shake them instead. But whatever the reason for this approach, I told Daniel in no uncertain terms that although it's annoying when women shake your hand like that, at least they shake men's hands the same way, while when men shake a woman's hand like that, they're treating the woman differently from how they would treat a man right from the beginning of the relationship, and that's just bad.
So with that philosophy, I do say myself that I have an excellent, firm handshake, and I use it a lot. Starting from my first day in college I decided that shaking hands of new acquaintances was what adults do, and since I was now an adult, I would shake hands whenever I meet new people, and that's what I do. And sometimes I wonder if it has gone too far, because real adults also shake hands when parting, but people in my age group have now instituted the process of a parting hug. And I don't really have a philosophy about that, except that I'm just not as comfortable giving out indiscriminate hugs as other people are.
Margaretta and Amy are lovely, lovely people, and I adore them, and will hug them on greeting, parting, and any excuse in between. Part of the reason I will hug them is because they are huggy themselves. Particularly during Yeomen I noticed that often they would not leave rehearsal without having given Jamie, the directory, a hug good-bye, a ritual I have always skipped. At the time I thought it was because Jamie struck me as the kind of person I don't really want to know better (not that he's a bad person; I just don't have any inclination to be his friend), but now I'm thinking it's more a personality thing, or a cultural thing that I haven't quite internalized properly. Because Margaretta's friends are also lovely, lovely people, and I would very much like to know all of them better, but while I can tell they're perfectly willing to include me in their hugging greeting-parting rituals. As far as I can tell, the hug is appropriate once there has been one full engagement that has gone well and during which friendly, lively conversation has taken place. But I just don't feel comfortable with it that soon. One of these Margaretta-friends, Jennings, and I have apparently decided to do the handshake greeting-parting, ("apparently" in that that is what we have just started doing spontaneously) which suits me just fine, but I think that only works because he is a guy. The girls don't do handshakes, but I don't do the hugs, and so all I'm left with is a sort of cheery wave, which I feel makes me into a kind of square. So, people, if I don't hug you when we greet or part, it's not because I don't like you.
Edit: Joanne has requested that I mention something about the greeting/parting kiss. Yeah. To be honest I really don't do that except with my family, but I have seen old, old female friends give each other a kiss on the cheek as part of a ritual. But I don't think I can really see myself ever being comfortable with that, no matter how close I am to my female friends.
A very long time ago (back even before we were firm friends, that's how long ago!) Daniel and I were discussing handshakes. I mentioned that I was a little displeased with a tendency I've noticed in women not to give firm handshakes. One particular tendency that bothers me is when women don't grasp your hand entirely, but instead only give you their fingers. This struck me as particularly silly at fencing competitions, because we would have just finished trying to stab each other with pointy metal sticks, bounding back and forward and lunging and yelling, and now suddenly my opponent, who usually has stabbed me five times, usually in the shoulder, but sometimes in the neck or the face (or, humiliatingly, the foot), is deciding to be all ladylike and give me dainty little fingers. Ugh! You're a powerful machine, woman, don't act like a delicate flower! Daniel was a bit surprised, and mentioned that he always made a point only to take a woman's fingers when shaking her hand and not to grasp her hand the way he would a man's. I guess it's a holdover in some way from when men would take women's hands preparatory to kissing them all chivalrously, and now they take the hands in the same way, only shake them instead. But whatever the reason for this approach, I told Daniel in no uncertain terms that although it's annoying when women shake your hand like that, at least they shake men's hands the same way, while when men shake a woman's hand like that, they're treating the woman differently from how they would treat a man right from the beginning of the relationship, and that's just bad.
So with that philosophy, I do say myself that I have an excellent, firm handshake, and I use it a lot. Starting from my first day in college I decided that shaking hands of new acquaintances was what adults do, and since I was now an adult, I would shake hands whenever I meet new people, and that's what I do. And sometimes I wonder if it has gone too far, because real adults also shake hands when parting, but people in my age group have now instituted the process of a parting hug. And I don't really have a philosophy about that, except that I'm just not as comfortable giving out indiscriminate hugs as other people are.
Margaretta and Amy are lovely, lovely people, and I adore them, and will hug them on greeting, parting, and any excuse in between. Part of the reason I will hug them is because they are huggy themselves. Particularly during Yeomen I noticed that often they would not leave rehearsal without having given Jamie, the directory, a hug good-bye, a ritual I have always skipped. At the time I thought it was because Jamie struck me as the kind of person I don't really want to know better (not that he's a bad person; I just don't have any inclination to be his friend), but now I'm thinking it's more a personality thing, or a cultural thing that I haven't quite internalized properly. Because Margaretta's friends are also lovely, lovely people, and I would very much like to know all of them better, but while I can tell they're perfectly willing to include me in their hugging greeting-parting rituals. As far as I can tell, the hug is appropriate once there has been one full engagement that has gone well and during which friendly, lively conversation has taken place. But I just don't feel comfortable with it that soon. One of these Margaretta-friends, Jennings, and I have apparently decided to do the handshake greeting-parting, ("apparently" in that that is what we have just started doing spontaneously) which suits me just fine, but I think that only works because he is a guy. The girls don't do handshakes, but I don't do the hugs, and so all I'm left with is a sort of cheery wave, which I feel makes me into a kind of square. So, people, if I don't hug you when we greet or part, it's not because I don't like you.
Edit: Joanne has requested that I mention something about the greeting/parting kiss. Yeah. To be honest I really don't do that except with my family, but I have seen old, old female friends give each other a kiss on the cheek as part of a ritual. But I don't think I can really see myself ever being comfortable with that, no matter how close I am to my female friends.
